Accusing

To accuse, and to be accused; both sides can create some significant damage to our friendships and relationships. 
Both sides, unfortunately, I have been caught up in.
Yet both, have taught me some very valuable lessons that I see as nothing but necessary to apply in any accusatory situation I'm presented with in my life.
Let's start with being the accuser.
I have accused someone I love deeply of having the intentions of hurting me and betraying me, when that actually wasn't the case.
Sure, I felt dumb for being told I was wrong about my accusations.
But insecurities, jealousy, fear of the unknown, and so many other negative feelings I was experiencing had me convinced that what I thought was the truth.
But because of the constant negative, anxiety causing, "what if" thoughts I was having, I had no confidence.
No confidence to ask questions, stand my ground, and allow my self to trust someone who trusted me.
Therefor, I was never getting answers.
You can't expect someone to beg at your feet for forgiveness just so that you feel better, when they haven't actually done anything wrong.
Now the flip side; being accused of something I didn't do.
I had someone I considered a best friend accuse me of saying hurtful things about her behind her back, things I definitely did not say.
She interpreted a hear-say conversation as judgmental when it was only small talk.
If there was only one thing I'd ask from my best friend, it would be to trust me.
Trust that I will support you, listen to you, understand you, and care for you just as I would anyone I love, for as long as we are friends.
Trust that when your name comes out of my mouth it is always with consideration of you, and to stick up for you.
When that trust was broken, and I was shunned for not being a good friend; I felt no support, no care, completely misunderstood, and like someone I thought was very close to me was not listening to my side, when I had always done these things for her.
This made something click for me; it made me realize what I had once done to the person I loved by accusing him.
So here's what I ultimately learned; if you are accusing someone, or being accused of doing something untrue, there is simply a lack of boundaries and communication.
Its known, anyone being accused of something is innocent until proven guilty. To accuse by definition is to assume, or suspect a person without substantial evidence.
Once you have said evidence that proves the accusations, that's what makes them guilty.
So why not collect your evidence first to reveal the truth instead of blaming someone for something they might not have done.
Even if your first impression or perception of the situation creates a negative outlook on it, only you have the power to find out answers you need to change that.
Obviously yes, sometimes accusations are true and not everyone is innocent.
However in my situations, both people being accused were actually innocent.
My eyes have truly opened to not only what I want out of my friendships and relationships, but to make it clear to those involved what that is.
And to me, that is equal efforts, appreciation and trust from both sides.
It's communicating, not dwelling on made up theories of what could be happening, finding out facts, and establishing boundaries.
Being accused of something hurtful you did not do, hurts. I don't like hurting the people I love, and I don't like when the people I love hurt me.
But it really wasn't until I had an experience with both sides of accusing that I realized how damaging it can be.
So remember the next time you jump to a conclusion and accuse someone before having all of the pieces to the puzzle how hurtful this can be.
It is so much easier to gather the information, ask questions, and get your facts right before unintentionally ruining an important friendship or relationship.